Welcome to the end of your realtionship



Shortly after turning thirty and ending a three year relationship I began writing The Conscious Uncoupling Cookbook. It started as a project that gave me a sense of purpose when life was slow. I work freelance and would get a little kooky from time to time from the ennui that lived in between jobs. Writing everyday quickly became my anchor and therapy over the following six months and before I knew it I was halfway through a book. It started as a means to fill a creative void but forced me to examine my approach to love. I analyzed my relationships forward and backward. I forced them to strip down while I blasted them, hose in one hand, cigarette in the other cackling uncontrollably. I turned them upside down and shook out the last few cents out so I could feel that I walked away with a lesson or two. After all of it I was left with a vague sense of heartbreak that arises from never truly having been seen. Over a third of my life has been spent in relationships where I existed as a projection of someone else's reality and accepted the unacceptable. Big ole existential bummer right? Maybe you can relate. So here you go. I'm releasing some of the recipes and while you struggle with connection and love lost you can at least feed yourself and laugh your way to the other side.


Olive Without You Bread


¼ oz Active Dry Yeast

3 Cups Warm Water

6 Cups Flour

½ Cup Kalamata Olives, cut in half

1 Teaspoon Raw Sugar

3/4 Cup Pine Nuts

1 Teaspoons Rosemary Salt


Combine 1/4 oz of active dry yeast with 3 cups warm water and the sugar. Stir and set aside for about 15 minutes.

In a large bowl combine 6 cups flour, and rosemary salt. Pour in the yeast water and mix until you can start kneading the dough. The great thing about this recipe is you don't have to knead a lot. That’s right. You don’t knead ANYTHING from ANYONE. GOING TO DO YOU AND LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE IN SPITE OF THEM!!!

Okay, calm down and begin folding in about 3 pinches of rosemary as well as the olives and pine nuts.  Shape the dough into a ball . Let rise for a minimum of 2 hours.

Bake at 450 degrees in an oiled oven safe pot or cast iron skillet for about 30 minutes. If the bread starts to brown on the outside too quickly use a piece of aluminum foil to create a tent and shield it the way you should have shielded your vulnerability. Fill another oven safe dish with water and have it in the oven during the preheat as well as during the duration of the bread baking. Once the bread is finished remove for cooling and tear into it like a heartbroken monster.

Wouldn’t Give You Their Coat When It was Chili Verde


6 Cups Vegetable Stock

12 Tomatillos

6 Green Anaheim Chili Peppers

1 Red Onion

2 Cups White Beans

2 Tablespoons Cumin

2 Tablespoons Chipotle Spice Blend

3 Cloves Garlic, minced

1 Lb Ground Chicken

Smoked Salt

Coarsely Ground Pepper

Olive Oil

Bundle of Cilantro

Cotilla Cheese

Chop tomatillos into fours, sprinkle with olive oil, salt, chipotle and pepper. Roast in oven along with peppers sliced longways for 20 minutes at 350 degrees. While they’re roasting, unlike you were that evening in the park when they wouldn’t give you their bomber jacket because it was “one of a kind vintage”, sauté the chopped onion, garlic, turkey, a couple pinches of the smoked salt and cumin in a skillet on medium low heat. Bring stock to a boil in a large pot. Take the peppers and tomatillos out of the oven and add to pot. Use an immersion blender to purée, leaving some chunks of tomatillos and peppers. Add the sautéd mixture once meat has cooked.  Allow it to boil for 1 to 2 minutes and then bring to a simmer on low heat and cover for about 10 to 15 minutes. Garnish with cotilla cheese, diced onion and cilantro.

Never Gave You a Ride to the Airport Smoked Almond Biscuits


2 Cups Flour

8 Tablespoons Soft Butter

1 Tablespoon Baking Powder

3/4 Cup Mesquite Smoked Almonds, chopped

2 Teaspoons Himalayan Pink Salt

1 Cup Plain Kefir


Preheat oven to 450 degrees. In a large bowl combine soft butter with flour, baking powder, and salt until mixture is crumbly. Add in kefir and fold almonds into the dough. Form into biscuits with hands and bake in oiled skillet for 10 to 15 minutes. Easy as calling Supershuttle!

Miso Not Horny For You Anymore Tacos


Miso Glaze

½ Cup Yellow Miso Paste

2 Cloves Garlic, minced

¼ Cup Mirin

1 Tablespoon Soy Sauce

2 Tablespoons Brown Sugar

2 Tablespoons Sesame oil

2 Tortillas

1 ½ Cups Tofu, cut into squares

1 Cup Shredded Cabbage

1 Shallot, sliced thin

5 Tablespoons Cornstarch

2 Teaspoons Ginger Powder

3 Tablespoons Sesame Oil

2 Teaspoons Lime Sea Salt

Remove tofu from container and place on paper towel allowing excess water to drain like any remaining inclination you once had to let them touch you. In a bowl combine ginger, lime salt and cornstarch. Toss in tofu to coat. In a skillet heat sesame oil on high heat. Add coated tofu and reduce heat after 1 minute. When tofu is beginning to get golden, add in cabbage and shallot and turn off heat so that it doesn’t cook completely.

In a small saucepan heat ingredients for miso glaze until sugar has dissolved. Arrange tofu, cabbage and shallots on wrappers and drizzle with miso glaze.

Couldn’t Praline On Them When You Needed Support Pretzels



8 Strawberries, cut in half

1 Cup Powdered Sugar

2 Tablespoons Milk

1 Teaspoon Vanilla


¼ oz Active Dry Yeast

1 1/2 Cups Milk

2 Tablespoons Sugar

1 1/2 Cup Brown Sugar

4 Cups All Purpose Flour

1 1/2 Sticks Softened Butter

1/3 Cup Baking Soda

3 Cups Filtered Water

2 Teaspoons Salt


½ Cup Pecans

Put strawberries in a plastic bag and sprinkle with a couple pinches of sugar and set aside.

Heat milk in a saucepan and pour into a large bowl. Sprinkle yeast on top. Let sit for a couple minutes and then add in 1/2 cup brown sugar, salt and half of the flour. Begin mixing. Throw in 2 tbsp of the softened butter and the rest of the flour until thoroughly combined. Cover with plastic wrap and let dough sit alone for about an hour the way you would after trying to seek comfort in your partner while they played video games on the internet with strangers.

In a saucepan, mix  3 cups of water with the baking soda and bring to a boil then turn off heat.

Preheat oven to 450 degrees. Punch down the  dough and divide into about 8 balls. Roll out each ball into a 15 inch rope and fold into a pretzel. Dip each pretzel into baking soda solution and then arrange on parchment lined baking sheet. Bake for about 12 minutes.

Melt remaining butter with the remaining brown sugar and pecans on low heat. Drizzle over top each pretzel.

Nothing was Ever Black and White Cheddar Jalapeno Grilled Cheese



1 ½  Cups Grated White Cheddar

3 Jalapenos, sliced with seeds removed

½ Red Onion

2 Cloves Garlic, minced

2 Slices Pumpernickel

1 Teaspoon Cumin

1 Teaspoon Apple Cider Vinegar

1 Lime

Sea Salt

Toast both pieces of bread on one side in an unoiled skillet. Blend Jalapenos, garlic, cumin, lime juice, apple cider vinegar and a couple pinches of salt in a blender or food processor. Flip one piece of bread and place cheese against toasted side. Add jalapeno relish and the rest of the cheese. Place the other piece of bread overtop. Once again, toasted side to the cheese.  A lot of things may not be clear right now but you should never be grey on the fact that cheese goes against toasted bread. Drizzle a little olive oil on top and a few pinches of extra grated white cheddar. Wait 1 to 2 minutes and then flip out over how long it took them to define the relationship. I mean flip the sandwich.

Projected All Their Shit Onto You Garlic Ghee Noodles


Noodles (Preferably Egg) 

2 Tablespoons Ghee

1 Celery Stalk, chopped

4 Cups Chicken Stock

2 Bay Leaves

3 Cloves Garlic, minced


Sea Salt

½ Teaspoon Thyme


Coarsely Ground Pepper

Bring broth to a boil with garlic, chopped celery, thyme,  and bay leaves already in it. Add noodles and turn heat to low. Once noodles are just past al dente transfer to a bowl, adding in ghee, lemon juice, and a couple pinches of salt. Give them a good toss until ghee has melted, similar to you ex’s sense of self awareness. Top with pepper, a pinch of thyme and parsley.

Was Wearing Rosé Colored Glasses Mac and Cheese


3 Cups Uncooked Orecchiette

1 Cup Grated Gruyere

1/2 Cup Grated Smoked Gouda

1 Cup Romano Parmesan Blend

2 Cups Tomatoes, diced

3 Tablespoons Butter

3 Cloves Garlic, minced

1 Teaspoon Pink Peppercorns, coarsely ground

Broccolini Bundle

1 Bottle Rosé

1 Tablespoon Lemon Juice

Sea Salt

Olive Oil

In a saucepan on medium heat add butter,  garlic, tomatoes, and ¼ cup of the rosé (Drink the rest of the bottle...obviously). Bring to a boil, reduce heat to low and cover for about 20 minutes, stirring occasionally. In a skillet with 1 tablespoon of olive oil and lemon juice, sauté chopped broccolini, leaving the florets intact.

Boil pasta in water with 1  tablespoon of salt until it is al dente. Drain and quickly rinse with warm water. Immediately add in cheeses. Gently stir until they have melted and cling to the pasta like you clung to that false image of who they were.

Turn off heat on the saucepan. You can either mash the tomatoes by hand leaving some in rustic chunks or you can use an immersion blender to purée the tomato sauce. Mix in with orecchiette and add the sautéed chopped stalks of broccolini. Use a slice of lemon and the florets as a garnish that nobody gives a fuck about because it’s just you and your cats. Forever.


Okay. So we indulged. Now it's time to invite your people over to remind you why this ending is a good thing. Dust off the crumbs, take a shower, and close any questionable windows still open on your computer. Ever wonder what your friends really thought about your old flame? Well, get ready to find out. Once it's clear that you're not getting back together you'll receive an outpour of opinions and truth from your friends about your ex and the relationship. Nothing brings about healing like dissecting the flaws of another human being while munching on kabobs and flatbread. Let the cracks your pals make about their scarf collection and cheesy jokes wash over you like the healing waters of Lourdes. We've all been on the other side of watching a friend in a relationship that didn't bring out the best in them. It's not something you can speak about while it's happening or maybe you did and they still couldn’t see clearly. You just have to sit back and watch it run its misguided course. This section is full of party food recipes your friends can nibble on while telling you they thought your old flame held you back and didn’t smell quite right, both figuratively and literally.

Had to Berry Your Feelings Pavlova



5 Egg Whites

¾ Cup Sugar

1 Teaspoon Salt

½ Tablespoon Vanilla

1 Teaspoon Apple Cider Vinegar

1 Tablespoon Cornstarch


Preheat oven to 300 degrees. In a bowl with an electric mixer whisk together egg whites and salt for about 2 minutes. Add sugar slowly and continue beating until it thickens and starts to looks glossy like your eyes after holding in your truth and pain for so long. Fold in vinegar, cornstarch and vanilla. On a parchment lined baking sheet, carefully pour mixture to form a white disk keeping in mind that you will be making a nest on top with whipped cream and berries. Place inside oven and bake for 75 minutes. Then turn off heat and let it cool in the oven for at least an hour. Treat the oven door like it’s your heart and DO NOT open it at any point while the pavlova is cooking or cooling.


1 ½ Cups Heavy Whipping Cream

3 Tablespoons Sugar

1 Teaspoon Vanilla

1 Tablespoon Balsamic

½ Walnuts

1 Cup Strawberries, some whole and some cut in half

½ Cup Blueberries

½ Cup Raspberries

½ Cup Blackberries

½ Cup Cherries

Place berries and cherries in a plastic bag with 1 tablespoon of sugar and balsamic. Shake together and let sit at room temp while the meringue is baking. Once it has cooled and you’re getting ready to serve it to your army of ex loathing friends, use the electric mixer to beat cream, vanilla, and 2 Tablespoons of sugar until whipped cream is light and fluffy. Spoon onto top of cake and finish with walnuts, cherries and berries, drizzling their juice.

Truffle of Themselves Kale Chips


Large Bundle of Kale

4 Tablespoons Truffle Oil

2 Tablespoons Olive Oil

Truffle Salt

Garlic Powder

De-stem kale and tear into pieces as if they were your wants and desires next to theirs. Mix thoroughly in a bowl with truffle and olive oil. Spread out on baking sheet and sprinkle with truffle salt and garlic powder. Remember that the kale will shrink just like your connection to your previous lover so careful not to over salt. Bake at 275 degrees for about 7 minutes. Flip and cook for another 7 minutes.

Dried Plum Ricotta Their Jokes Fell Flatbread


2 ½  Cups Flour

4 Tablespoons  Butter

1 Cup Milk

½ Tablespoon Rosemary, dried

Chopped Prunes



Flake Salt

In a pan on low heat, melt butter and milk together on the stove. Once butter has melted into milk, combine with salt, flour, and rosemary and begin to knead. Use extra flour if the dough is too sticky. Divide into 5-7 balls and flatten out by hand. Cook in an oiled skillet on medium low heat. Once all the flatbreads are finished, place on lined cookie sheet and brush tops with butter like you’re smoothing over that crack they made about your sister’s divorce at a family dinner. Add dollops of Ricotta and dried plums chopped in half. Throw a pinch of flake salt on top and drizzle with honey.

Asparagus the Details on Their Problematic Sexual Performance Kabobs


10 Asparagus Stalks, chopped into 1 ½ inch pieces

½  Lb Shrimp, peeled and cooked

1 Sweet Potato, peeled  

3 Teaspoons Cracked Pepper

Lemon Pepper



3 Tablespoons Rice Vinegar

2 Teaspoons Tarragon, dried

2 Garlic Cloves, minced

4 Tablespoons Parmesan, finely grated

½ Cup Olive Oil

½ Lemon

Combine ingredients for marinade in a bowl and mix in shrimp. Cover and let the shrimp marinate overnight in the fridge. When getting ready to cook kabobs, shave the sweet potato into ribbons and wrap around asparagus pieces. Spear the asparagus and shrimp and talk about how doing so reminds you of your ex’s limitations. Watch your guests get uncomfortable as you brush each kabob with a little more of the marinade and place on a greased baking sheet. Sprinkle skewers with pepper, tarragon and lemon pepper. Throw on the grill  or bake in oven at 375 degrees for about 15 minutes.

Took Their Shiitake Long Enough Lettuce Cups


1 Head of Butter Lettuce

½ Cup Creme Fraiche

3 Cloves Garlic, minced

5 Radishes, sliced thin

2 Cups Shiitake Mushrooms, sliced

1 Tablespoon Za’atar

Black Lava Salt

Sea Salt

Olive Oil

Sautè mushrooms with garlic, za’atar, a few pinches of sea salt, pink peppercorns and 2 tablespoons of olive oil. Add in radishes once the mushrooms have had a few minutes to cook and process how much they have been taken advantage of and mistreated.  Arrange on butter lettuce and top with a dollop of crème fraîche and a pinch of black lava salt.

Hated All Their Friends Eggplant Sliders



1 Eggplant

1 ½ Cups Fresh Grated Parmesan

8 Oz Smoked Mozzarella

Fresh Basil


Olive Oil

Flake Salt

⅓ Cup Sunflower Seeds

4 Large Tomatoes, chopped

2 Tablespoons Riesling, semi sweet

¼ Onion, minced

3 Garlic Cloves, minced

1 Tablespoon Rosemary, dried

Slice focaccia open and brush inside with olive oil. Place face down on lined cookie sheet in oven at 300 degrees.

In a medium saucepan, heat 3 tablespoons of olive oil and sauté garlic and onion for about 3 minutes before adding in chopped tomatoes, Riesling and a couple pinches of flake salt. Cover and reduce heat to low. Allow 15 minutes before you purée sauce with a hand held blender. I recommend using this time to reflect on what your wedding would have been like with their shitty crew.

Blend sunflower seeds until they are coarsely ground and then combine with parmesan. Slice eggplant and brush both sides with olive oil and dip in grated parmesan. Place in oiled skillet on medium heat. Fry until cheese becomes golden. Take focaccia out of oven and cut into squares for sliders. Place eggplant on bread and top with a tomato slice sprinkled with a light pinch of flake salt, a basil leaf or two and a chunk of smoked mozzarella.


Look who made it through the rain, Mariah.  Feeling bummed can really hurt so good, can’t it? It can make you feel alive and reaffirm all of those bad things you like to think about yourself. Now it's time to refocus and place all of your energy on that one person that won’t ever let you down. You.

Oh what’s that? You have let yourself down before? You went in unprepared and blew the interview? You accidentally ate all the tortilla chips and drunkenly burst the piñata at someone else's birthday party before it was time? You used to wear really tight leopard print?  Well now is a good time to stop living in the past. Going forward you’ve got the reigns to your life and every moment, decision, and intention is yours and no one else’s. This section is filled with superfood recipes meant to nourish your mind, body, and soul to the fullest  and get you feeling good from the inside out. Also, I’d just like to say that leopard print, if done right, is super chic.

No Longer Want to Artichoke Them Kimchi


5 Artichoke Hearts, sliced in half longways

1 Cucumber

3 Teaspoons Raw Sugar

1 Head of Red Cabbage

6 Cloves Garlic, finely minced

½ Tablespoon Ground Ginger

½ Tablespoon Szechuan Pepper, ground

1 Tablespoon Kelp Powder

1/2 Cup Sea Salt

Filtered Water

Shred cabbage and remove the core. In a bowl, massage the shredded cabbage with sea salt until it starts to soften like the violent thoughts towards your ex. Add about 2 cups of water so that cabbage is completely submerged and place a plate on top to weigh it down. Set aside for 2 hours.

Using a pestle and mortar, create a paste with the kelp powder, sugar, Szechuan pepper, garlic, and ginger with 3 tablespoons filtered water. When cabbage is done soaking rinse thoroughly in a colander. Save the brine it was soaking in. Squeeze out excess moisture and mix cabbage with the paste adding in cucumber and artichokes. Pack veggies and cabbage in mini glass jars or one large jar, covering with brine. Make sure the brine hits the lid and there is no space for air. Let sit at room temperature for for 1-5 days. Check on it once a day and push down on veggies with a clean spoon to make sure it is still submerged.

Lotus Caesar the Day Salad


2 Cups Arugula

1 Lemon

2 Garlic Cloves, minced

1 Cup Cashews, soaked overnight

1 Tablespoon Dijon Mustard

3 Tablespoons Olive oil

1 ½ Tablespoon Balsamic

½ Tablespoon Cracked Pepper

3 Tablespoons Nutritional Yeast

Sea Salt

Dried Lotus Chips

In a blender combine cashews, juice from lemon, balsamic, mustard, olive oil, cracked pepper, and two pinches of salt. Blend with the conviction of someone who has made it to the sixth day of their week long juice cleanse. Pour over arugula and toss. Top with lotus chips and nutritional yeast. Now go out there and land those clients, finish that laundry, or yell at that cyclist not obeying the rules of the road.

Cashew Are Beautiful Carrot  Soup


4 Cups Vegetable Stock

1 Sweet Onion, chopped

6 Carrots, chopped

1 Cup Cashews, soaked overnight

1 Teaspoon Nutmeg

3 Garlic Cloves, minced

Olive Oil

Sea Salt

In the bottom of a pot begin to caramelize garlic and onion with 2 tablespoons of olive oil. Add carrots and a few pinches of sea salt. Once they've cooked a bit add in cashews and stock. Bring to a boil, reduce heat to low and use an immersion blender to purée. Create a design on top that is as lovely as you and spend the rest of the day dancing in front of your mirror without pants.

No Longer Facon It Buckwheat Pasta


Buckwheat Pasta

Smoked Coconut Chips (Coconut “Bacon”)

1 Cup Cherry Tomatoes, sliced

3 Garlic Cloves, minced

1 Egg

1 Tablespoon Mirin

⅓ Cup Parsley, chopped

Sea Salt

Pepper, coarsely ground

Nutritional Yeast

Olive Oil

In a skillet on medium low heat sauté minced garlic with a couple pinches of salt,  pepper, 3 tablespoons nutritional yeast, and cherry tomatoes sliced in half with a little olive oil. Cover and turn heat to low.  Boil and then rinse buckwheat noodles in warm water and drain. Uncover skillet and mash tomatoes leaving some in rustic chunks. In a small saucepan bring 2 cups of water to a boil with the mirin. Add egg, and immediately reduce heat to low. Egg should be poached in about 3 to 5 minutes. Gently poke to test how soft center is then remove with a slotted spoon.  Add buckwheat noodles to the tomato sauce and give a toss. Top dish off with with poached egg , coconut chips, chopped parsley, pepper, pinch of salt and nutritional yeast. It’s about to get real for the first time in a long time.

You’re Getting So Many Dates Shake


1 Frozen Banana

5 Dates, chopped

4 Whole Brazil Nuts

1 Tablespoon Spirulina

1 ½ Cups Coconut or Rice Milk

½ Tablespoon Chia Seeds

1 Teaspoon Cinnamon

½ Teaspoon Nutmeg

Throw these delicious things into a blender and hit that magic button. Easy as setting up an account on Bumble.

Kiwi Just Couldn’t Make It Work and That’s Okay Cookies


1 ½ Cup Pecans

½ Cup Chopped Dates

1 Tablespoon Maca Root Powder

2 Tablespoons Coconut Oil

½ Tablespoon Almond Extract

½ Tablespoon Pure Vanilla Extract

2 Kiwis, sliced

Flake Salt


In a blender or food processor grind pecans and dates into a chunky paste with coconut oil, almond extract, and vanilla. Unlike you were able to do with your significant other, mold and shape the paste into what you’d like it to be. I recommend taking a large spoonful and creating a flat disk about ½ inch thick.  Place in freezer for about 10 minutes. Take out and garnish each with kiwi slice and a pinch of flake salt.